Cram Session
by ChaosWEAPON
Summary: Three SeeDs are on the verge of destroying the world as we know it. The cause? A missed test. UPDATE: The Test has arrived.
1. Emergency Meetings

Author's Note: This was my first attempt at FFVIII, and likely to be the last; I wouldn't want to damage it any further, after all. It's at last being continued after so much time, and though I'm going through what was written for minor changes, it'll mostly stay the same; this is one piece of writing that I am surprisingly happy with. As always, feedback is appreciated.

Disclaimer: Default Standard Disclaimers Apply. You know the drill.

**Cram Session**

The world had, but a few short weeks before, been narrowly saved from disaster by a group of SeeDs. And now, a number of those same SeeDs may prove to be the destruction of the world they fought to save.

The cause?

A missed test. The semester Final, to be exact.

While Squall and the others were fighting to save humanity, lessons at Garden had gone on, for the most part, as usual. For obvious reasons, Squall and company couldn't very well take the test while doing so, much less study for it. So when the news of the make-up test was recieved, it was met with varying reactions.

Rinoa and Irvine had nothing to do with it, as neither of them were SeeDs to begin with.

Quistis had been given back her teaching liscense, and thus was the one giving the test and not taking it.

Selphie was more clever than most give her credit for, and had seen the make-up date posted early. She studied off-and-on for several days, and since she could easily pass the test, she spent her spare time in the Quad, with Irvine, or planning what to do over the upcoming break (starting Tuesday).

Rajin and Fujin weren't SeeDs yet either, so they didn't have to take the test.

Squall, Zell, and Seifer, (who had recently been readmitted, also with varying reactions) however, were out of luck.

The test was Monday, 8:00 AM. Zell found the information posted at 10:05 AM, Sunday morning. Reaction was swift.

"SQUALLLLLLLL!"

Zell beat his fists franticly on the door to Squall's dorm room. It was locked, of course- Squall tried to sleep in when he could afford it, and Sunday was one of those times. "Squall! Open up, man!" He was about to begin another barrage on the helpless door when it unexpectedly opened. As a result, Zell fell forward and onto the floor at Squall's feet.

"Did you want something?" Zell scrambled to his feet to face his dripping host. Apparently, Squall had just taken a shower. This was evidenced by his wet hair, quickly-becoming-wet shirt, and lack of his jacket. All of this was lost on Zell, who, in his hysteria, grabbed Squall's arms in a painful grip.

"TEST!"

Squall merely looked at him in faint confusion. "I assume there's more, unless you've suddenly become Fujin. What test?" Zell started to shake Squall back and forth, as if to shake the knowlege into him. "THE Test! The Make-Up Test! The FINAL Test!"

"...what?"

Taking a deep breath, Zell tried to speak slower. "The Make-Up Final. It's Monday."

"WHAT!"

Now Squall grabbed Zell's arms, while Zell still clutched his own. Zell was surprised at the reaction. Squall didn't shout, or be surprised, and he certainly never grabbed onto you. "I take it you didn't study either?" Whatever Squall might have answered was cut off by an amused chuckle, coming from the direction of the doorway.

"Did I...interrupt anything?"

Zell and Squall suddenly realized what they must look like, and jumped away from each other with a guilty start. Zell started stammering out some kind of explanation. "W-well, it's not what-" Seifer didn't care for the explanation. He chuckled again, saying, "Well, well. Chicken-wuss and Puberty Boy. I never would've guessed you two would get togeth-"

"The Make-Up Final is on Monday."

In the ensuing shocked silence, argument, and emergency strategy meeting, they arrived at one solution: they would study. They would study non-stop until Monday morning. Roughly twenty hours of cramming. This was going to be brutal.

"Ok..." Seifer sighed, "so, where are we gonna hold this? The Library closes after Lights Out, and I have no intention of being in Squall's dorm with you two after dark." Zell bristled at the implied insult, but calmed after realizing Seifer was in the same boat they were, and thus the insult was less than half-hearted. Squall, being used to ignoring Seifer's comments, was doing most of the planning. "Then the only other place would be the Training Center. I suppose the Secret Area would do."

There was a moment of silent contemplation. Surprisingly, Seifer was the one to break it.

"We're going to need a lot of coffee."

Eventually, they decided they were going to need more than just coffee, and missions were assigned as needed. Seifer was to raid the Cafeteria for snacks, Squall would locate and appropriate lamps, paper, pencils, and the caffeine. Zell was dispatched to the Library to get the books. With the help of the cute pigtailed Librarian, of course.

At 10:45, Zell dashed into the Library, managing to not only startle the library's occupants, but also to narrowly miss colliding into a few of them. A hurried, if vague, explanation later, and the librarian helped Zell locate and check out a veritable mountain of books. There was a check-out limit, but this was solved when Zell handed over not only his card, but also Squall's and Seifer's. Said cute girl with a pigtail was skeptical.

"Oh, c'mon! Do you really think they would hand over their cards to me if it wasn't important?"

This was very true, and Zell ended up with eighteen textbooks to carry all the way to the Training Center. Alone.

The other cadets could only wonder at why a SeeD, carrying two stacks of books that surely blocked his sight, would be trudging down through the hallways of Balamb Garden on a Sunday morning. They decided it was better not to ask.

At 10:50, while Zell was speaking to the girl with the pigtail, Seifer strolled into the Cafeteria.

Sauntering up to the serve bar, Seifer flashed a charming grin at one of the cooks. "Hi." The cook, whose name was Stacy Newbank from Balamb (not that it mattered to Seifer), merely blinked, unaffected by the charming grin. "Yes? Is there something you want?"

Seifer's smile never wavered. "Yeah. You see..." His mind raced, thinking of a plausable lie that would keep his dignity intact. "I was going to take my girl out today- picnic in the park, walks along the beach, and all that. She needs a break."

The cook's gaze softened. It was so nice to see that some young men still treated their girlfriends right! Emboldedned by his sucess, Seifer continued blithely, "...and I thought we could get together with some of her friends, too. She hasn't seen them in so long, and I figured she'd like to spend some time with them." She smiled, and Seifer smiled with her. "So, I was wondering if you could do me a little favor..."

Five minutes later, Seifer marched proudly through the halls of Garden, carrying a supply of food nigh fit to feed an army. Blissfully ignoring the odd stares and double takes, Seifer held his head up high, thinking, _I am so brilliant._

Despite Zell's hard labor, and Seifer's cunning lying, Squall perhaps had the hardest task of all.

Caffeine.

And he knew just where to get it.

Balamb Garden has the happy family-fun type millitary institution public face, but beneath that is the dark underbelly. Instuctors, students, even the Headmaster- all had one thing in common, and all of them tried to keep it secret from everybody else.

Students at Balamb Garden have a habit of staying up as late as possible on weekends and vacations, and nearly everyone needs a jump-start on mornings. The cafeteria provides six different flavors of cappichinio for just this reason. Headmaster Cid, in his day, would dissappear for days every holiday, and return sleep deprived and twitchy. But even worse than the students, worse than the Headmaster, were the Instructors.

Every single one of them had caffeine addictions, and every one of them would not only stay up late grading papers, but every free chance they would go wild. Party rumors were every Treppie's dream, and there were even some mention of bar crawlings. Nida, as pilot, had recently been invited into the nightlife of Balamb Garden, most likely sworn to secrecy.

Every medical trainee who wanted to serve Garden was firstly trained how to recognise and treat caffeine overdoses.

In short, Balamb Garden was the caffeine capitol of the world.

More specifiaclly, the teacher's lounge was the caffeine capitol of the world.

The Teacher's Lounge was a legend among students, and not only because some of the rumored parties were said to take place there. It was an impregnable fortress in its own right. Few students had dared try and breach it. All were caught, and none had ever suceeded. The Lounge had a perfect winning record.

Now, Squall was going to break that record.


	2. Squallianda and the Coffee of Doom

**Cram Session**

This would not be easy.

When Seifer and Zell left his dorm room, Squall hastily prepared a mental checklist in preparation for the trials ahead. If he failed, he would, besides failing Zell and Seifer (his two new comrades-in-arms against the shared threat of tests), there was a good chance he would never be seen or heard from again. Also, he just might be immortalized in campfire stories for ages to come- 'The SeeD and the Teacher's Lair'- and that would not be good.

On the other hand, if he suceeded, he would be a legend among Seeds, and be immortalized in campfire stories for ages to come- 'The SeeD and the Teacher's Lair'- and that...would be...good?

Squall stopped his train before it derailed.

He didn't like the idea of what he was doing. Most missions he took in a detatched sort of way, but this...well, he already knew what would happen if he failed. Or suceeded.

Sighing, Squall started to gather up the items he needed.

Rope? Check.

Sandwich? ..no, but it wasn't a crucial item.

Marbles? Check.

Gunblade? For protection only...

Sandbags? Check.

Dark Clothes? Obviously. He also had a dark spy-type suit, in case he was seen. He liked it- it consisted of a full outfit with all sorts of hidden pockets for weapons and potions, somewhat like a ninja.

Mask? Of course!

..._I think that's it...no, wait_...

Squall knocked quietly on Irvine's door. The self-styled cowboy loved to sleep in more than he did. As he had expected, a muffeled voice answered the tapping.

"Mmph...wh-who's there...?"

Hangover, by the sound of it. Nothing short of a full-scale emergency would drag him out of bed...unless...

"Irvine! It's me, Squall!" Squall was using a tone of voice that nobody could ever expect- panic. Inside, a bleary, bloodshot eye shot opened in alarm. Squall...panicking?

RED ALERT.

The dorm's door opened so fast that Irvine tumbled out and nearly fell on Squall. He was stripped to the waist, barefoot, and had his gun in a deathgrip. He fully expected Garden to be under attack by Esthar, Galbadia, and Ultimecia. What he found was Squall standing calmly outside his door. "What's goin' on!"

"May I borrow your hat?"

(It is interesting to note that Irvine simply gave Squall the hat and went back to bed, aparently blaming the whole incident on a spicy dinner and Nyquil.)

The Teacher's Lounge.

The Unbreakable Barrier. The Irresistable Force. The Immovable Object.

And one SeeD who wanted to break it, to resist it, to move it.

Or just take the coffee. Whichever came first.

Squall stood in the shadows of a nearby alcove. He had his equipment, he had the motive, he had everything ready. Only one thing remaining. He had to, as Zell would say, 'Psyche himself up."

Squall needed something to calm his nerves before such an impossile mission. He didn't smoke...and he would not use a tranquilizer...so...what? What was left?

Nothing. Except the examples set before him by the masters. And so, with a steady, bold voice, Squall began to recite.

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they did not commit..."

The hall stretched before him forever.

The walls were lined with small holes...curious...

The floor was covered in stone tiles, arranged in patterns and colors he didn't recognise.

Caution was the key here.

Squall carefully stepped forward, only to jump back as tiny darts shot from the walls. He was glad for that spy suit now- his jacket would have caught. So. He mustn't step in front of the holes...but what of the tiles?

Crouching down, Squall removed his pouch of marbles, setting a few to roll across the floor. As soon as any marbles touched a red surface, the tile blazed up into fire. The other tiles seemed safe, though. Simple- don't step on the red ones.

Of corse the teachers would have the place booby-trapped, and the goal itself would be guarded, he was sure...

Well, one thing a a time. Squall took up a crawling postion, but stretched himself out as though he was doing push-ups. He didn't want to get in the way of the darts. Slowly, but inexorably, Squall made is way forward. It was hard. Most of the tiles were red, and the darts only gave him a foot and a half of space above the floor. But he was dertermined.

An eternity later (actually, it was about two minutes) Squall found he could finally get up and back on his feet. To his right lay the top of a stairway- it led back down to the main floor. He might be able to use it as a shortcut. After all, the teachers couldn't go past the traps every time, so they would have to have another door...

All thought fled as he beheld the pedestal.

It stood in the middle of an otherwise empty room, save for the two staircases- one leading down, one leading up. On it proudly sat the most advanced in caffeine dispension- the JavaTwitch 5000.

The JavaTwitch 5000 is no ordinary Expresso machine. It makes full-sized servings of caffeine goodness- not like the dinky cups of most health- recommened servings. It came with 500 styrofoam non-spill cups and over 1000 servings worth of chocolate covered-caffeine infused expresso grounds. It even came with it's own flavor dispensers (6 in all- Irish Cream, Chocolate, Mocha, French Vanilla, Chocolate Mocha, and Cookies n' Cream). It had a self-recharging battery the like of which Esthar has been using for years.

The health warning was also present. It is a well-known fact (at least in Garden) that 10 grams of Caffeine was a lethal dose- provided that it was consumed in one hour. It was safe to consume four cups of the JavaTwitch's coffee in one hour, though barely. It was not recommened. But since when do SeeDs dwell on death?

This machine was the Holy Grail of coffee freaks everywhere.

Squall approached the JavaTwitch in awe. His gloved fingers reached for it tenderly...and drew back. How could he have not seen it!

The machine was resting on a weight-sensitive panel. He would have to switch a substitute weight just as he swiped the machine. This is why he brought sandbags.

Squall carefully weighed the sandbag by guess. He looked at the machine appraisingly. He carefully removed some of the sand...and positioned his hands to make the switch. He readjusted his- Irvine didn't seem interested in getting it back, so for now it was his- cowboy hat. One quick swipe and place, and it was over.

In the room at the top of the stairs, the main teacher's lounge, a red light flashed a warning.

Squall was securing the precious machine in his Ninja Swag Bag when the alarm was noticed.

"Hey, you! Put that dow- WOAHHHHH!"

Squall jumped slightly at the voice, ready to flee the scene, but he didn't turn around until he heard the rumble. The voice had been Headmaster Cid, he knew, but...

He turned around.

Headmaster Cid was rolling down the stairs.

His middle-age man physique had overbalanced the poor man, and when he had leaned forward, he was sent head-over-heels down the stairs, a great ball of limbs and gut. The room rumbled from the force of it.

And he was heading right for Squall.

Squall ran like hell.

But the Headmaster was rolling quite fast, and Squall knew he couldn't outrun those darts. He ran for the stairs. By sheer dumb luck, the Headmaster rolled down also, almost at his heels.

Squall saw the end of the stairs approaching. There was a half-glimpsed panel on the wall, but what he was interested in was the corridor to the right. He veered for it, jumping off the last few steps. He hit the ground still running, and shot for the open sliding door ahead of him.

The rumble stopped with a crash as the Headmaster hit the wall. He was far from unconcious, and hit the electric panel on the wall. The door started to slide shut. Squall dove for it.

He slid under as the door slid down almost to the floor. Sitting up, Squall put his hand to his head, and immediately slipped his hand back under the door, grabbing the hat a second before the door snapped shut. He could hear the Headmaster yelling curses on the other side.

Victory.


	3. Study Habits

**Cram Session**

Sunday 11:00 AM

Squall snuck into the Secret Area, taking great pains not to be seen. He was still in the "disguise" of sorts, but even if the teachers tried their hardest not to let the knowledge of the theft out the story would be running rampant around Garden soon, and Squall had to make himself scarce.

"Hey Squall- what's with the getup?"

The question had been inevitable. Squall explained while setting out the other things he had taken- paper, notes, pencils, and the like, knowing that more questions were being raised.

"It's so I won't be recognised- I had to get something, and I didn't want anyone to know it was me." Zell opened his mouth to question, and Seifer smirked, but both stopped and stared as Squall displayed his recently aquired expresso machine.

Fidgeting under the mute stares and unspoken questions, Squall merely shrugged and said, "I broke into the Teacher's Lounge."

Sunday 11:15 AM

When Seifer and Zell finally stopped staring at Squall in reverent awe, everyone at last began cramming. They had agreed not to use the JavaTwitch until nightfall, when they would really need it. Therefore, everything started out normally. Notes were compared, books were forcibly digested, and the snacks were snacked upon. (Zell had been forced to ration the hotdogs, because Seifer insisted that no more munchie runs were to be made, and that he wanted some too.)

Even after nightfall, when the coffee was brewed and everyone had drank a cup, things were serious and somber.

It didn't last long.

Sunday 10:27 PM

A study break.

Pillows and cushions had inevitably been brought along so that the crammer wouldn't have to sit or lie on the hard ground of the Training Center. The ground was a bit rocky, though, so several pillows were needed to make a good soft seat.

When Seifer asked Zell to toss him another pillow, Zell had tossed it innocently. He hadn't meant to throw it so hard, nor had he meant it to smack Seifer in the face. The caffiene had perhaps affected them all quicker than they had imagined, because Seifer didn't get angry at Zell, but he did throw another pllow at him.

Zell threw the pillow back at Seifer, accidentally hitting Squall. Squall threw a pillow at Zell, and Seifer threw one at both of them.

Things went downhill from there.

Within minutes, all three SeeDs, dignity and rivalry forgotten, were immersed in one of the bigest pillow fights in Garden history. Feathers were everywhere- Zell actually started choking on one when he started laughing. He coughed it up, and rejoined the fray. Squall and Seifer, who had been gleefully hurling pillows at each other, immediately threw pillows at Zell. Zell started hurling them back, even tossing them into the air and spiking them with his fists, sending explosions of feathers across the room.

Sunday 11:17 PM

The three SeeDs collapsed, exhausted and laughing, to the now feather- strewn floor. Eventually, they picked themselves up again and tried to resume studying in earnest.

They failed. Again.

Sunday 11:34 PM

Seifer had started humming.

Squall was leaning over a large textbook, taking notes in his even, neat handwriting. It looked a bit jittery, though, but not enough to really notice. He glanced up, looking wordlessly at the humming Seifer. He glared. The sound was reverberating through his head and making it hard to concentrate. He absently flicked a feather off his shoulder as he returned to his studies, ignoring the numerous feathers in his hair and hat. His subconcious was already working overtime trying to find a way to bury the memory of the pillowfight. He sighed softly, and started trying to find his place in the text.

Zell started humming along.

Squall grit his teeth. This wasn't helping.

Simultaneously, Zell and Seifer started murmuring the words. As the tempo started to pick up, Squall realized what they were singing. And the fact that it was one of his favorite songs wasn't helping at all. Unconciously, he started humming, then murmuring the words.

Before long, they were all singing. Seifer had taken the low parts, Zell the high (though he really had to stretch it), and Squall the middle ground. It wouldn't cross theier minds until much, much, later, when their subconciousnesses had given up on trying to bury the memories, that they would consider just how odd they must have looked. Squall raised his voice as the song continued.

"I see a little silhouetto of a man..."

It wasn't until they'd gone from Bohemian Rhapsody to Sad But True, White Wedding, Hungry Like the Wolf, and finally to Unforgiven did they attract some attention. It wasn't that Fuujin had trouble sleeping- it was that she'd recently aquired a new roomate, one that didn't yet understand the rules. Specifically, not to chatter at Fuujin. But instead of educating her, Fuujin instead decided upon a late-night training session. She wanted to get away from the bubbly, chattering girl before she did something that might get her expelled. Like send her flying out the window. And to the cold pavement far, far below. Fuujin repressed a smile at the thought. Suddenly, she frowned, scarlet eye glinting with confusion. She could hear singing... Fuujin pressed forward into the undergrowth, trying to locate the source. The closer she got, the more she could swear that she recognised those voices. Of course, the very idea that Se- Fuujin pushed aside a branch, and stopped speechless (well, more so than usual).

The Secret Area was a mess. In the middle sat a supply of snacks laid out on a red checkered cloth, for all the world like a springtime picknic. Feathers were everywhere, as were scattered papers and an assortment of books. Seifer, Zell, and Squall were lounging about, holding forgotten textbooks and singing at the top of their lungs. Zell was playing an air guitar. Squall was still wearing Irvine's hat- it now had a feather in the brim as well. All three voices sung together in surprising harmony;

"What I've felt, what I've known...!"

Fuujin covered her mouth with one hand, staring in a mixture of shock and horror.

"You label me, I label you, so I dub thee unforgiven...!"

Very slowly, Fuujin edged backwards, away from the clearing, Once she felt she was far enough, she broke into an all-out run back to the dorms. She didn't stop until she'd reached Rajin's room. Thankfully, his roomate was absent. She slammed her fists against the door.

"OPEN!"

The door opened immediately, and Rajin hurriedly stepped aside as Fuujin bolted into the room, forcing the door closed behind her. She then stood in the center of the room, shaking and hugging her arms to her chest.

"Hey, Fu! Like, what hapened, ya' know!"

"HORROR. THE HORROR..."

The three boys never noticed. Which is probably a good thing.

Monday 1:07 AM

The singing had finally ended sometime after Zell's voice broke, during the middle of an Aerosmith song ("Sing with me, sing for the year, sing for the laughter sing for the tear! Sing with me, just for today, maybe tomorrow the good Hyne will take you awaaaaaaa-ack!"). By then they were all sobering up, so another dose of coffee was in order. And it was so.

Study resumed without further incident. Yet.

Monday 2:38 AM

Seifer was restless. He hated just sitting here! And he hated that the others didn't seem to have much trouble sitting still. He wanted to get up and run, fight, whatever! He wanted to do anything but study.

And, because the caffiene and lack of sleep had marred his decision-making capabilities and logic processes, Seifer stood up and walked over to where Squall was sitting. Squall jus sat there, bent over whatever book he was currently attempting to read. Seifer cleared his throat, and Squall looked up, a questioning expression on his face. Seifer tapped him on the shoulder, then bolted. He yelled over his shoulder,

"TAG!"

And, because Squall's decision-making abillities were also damaged, he was up and running for the nearest victim- Zell. Zell's eyes widened, and he threw the book he was holding at Squall to distract him as he lunged away. Unfortunately, though the book tripped Squall, he managed to snag Zell's ankle as he hit the ground. He immedaitely rolled away, with a yell of "YOU'RE IT!"

And thus, the chase began. Eventually, of course, they returned to the Training Center, but not before managing to wake up several students and teachers with their yelling and footsteps. Most shrugged it off as a dream, but a few who thought they recognised the voices would spend the rest of the night awake and paranoid.

So would the next people to clean the exterior of the Garden, who would spend days wondering why in holy hell there were footprints all over the roof.

Monday 4:57 AM

Quiet was restored once more, the sounds of pages turning and pencils scratching the only exceptions. Not to say that they were studying, per say. Seifer was making an army of paper planes, giving them names and numbers on the wings, then tossing them out the window. He was apparently aiming for a nearby tree- in his mind, it was probably a docking hangar. Several planes had landed safely for refueling, with more on the way.

Zell, on the other hand, was trying to teach himself how to make paper origami. A small zoo was building.

Squall was seemingly still at work, taking notes. Until you noticed that he wasn't writing facts, so much as drawing chibi anime versions of Rinoa, Quistis, Selphie, Irvine, Zell, Seifer, Fuujin, Rajin, Headmaster Cid, Edea, and all the GFs.

Lil' Bahamut was even holding a stuffed dragon plushie.

Things continued in this vein for quite some time, and the clock ticked onward, counting down to 8:00.


	4. The Dreaded Hour

Author's Notes: Two things- the cartoon mentioned was actually made by a friend of mine. She drew it in class; it was...amusing. SWecondly, any shonen-ai is probably in the minds of those making the observation- I didn't write any intentional undertones (I'd be horrible at it) but by all means, if you want to see it go ahead.

Disclaimer: Still, anything recognizable belongs to whoever thought of them first. Not me, in other words.

**Cram Session**

Monday 7:57 am

The few birds brave enough to reside inside the Training Center were singing, and the Grats were staying out of the T-Rexaur's way, and all was right with the world. Or not. The Secret Area- once an area of solitude and solemn contemplation under the night sky, was a disaster area. There were pillow feathers everywhere- students training would report Grats with feathers stuck in their leaves for weeks- as well as a small army of paper figurines. In fact, there were two armies, and it kinda looked in a paper-figure sort of way that an aerial squad had been bombing a race of anthropomorphics, who had taken shelter within a pillow fortress.

There was even a tiny paper catapult for retailiation.

Nearby, there was a scattered selection of books- thick texts and thinner notebooks, with three sets of handrwiting. Examination would reveal the words becomming more and more scratched and upset, as though the hand that penned them had been shaking madly. One notebook had given up on words entirely, and switched to drawings- little chibi figures marched across the pages, pouting, fighting, dancing- all sugary portrayls of everyday life. There were little hearts in the margins, and a short cartoon involving a Woe Flower being vanquished by a Marmalade Cat.

It was a disaster area, but at least it was quiet. The only sounds were the rustling of Grats, the cheeping of birds, and the frenzied footsteps of three teenagers in a mad rush towards the classrooms.

"OHHH SHIT WE'RE GONNA BE LAAAAATE!"

"Quit yer whining, Chickenwuss! We are not gonna be late!"

"Ha! A ninja is never late! Nor is he early; he arrives exactly when he-"

"You're notta ninja! You're wearin' a cowboy hat!"

"Right! Ninjas hate cowboys!"

"Ninjas hate PIRATES, Zell, not cowboys!"

"Arrgh! Ninjas hate EVERYONE! Now shaddup and RUN!"

8:02 am

Squall, Seifer, and Zell stopped for a moment outside Quistis' classroom door, making a hurried attempt to neaten their hair and make it look like they hadn't just ran from halfway across the school. Then they stepped inside.

Quistis looked up from her desk, knowing there was always one student late to every test. But she hadn't anticipated these three- well, maybe Seifer. And Zell wasn't the most punctual student, though he did try. Squall, on the other hand, was by-the-book enough to show up on time, or at least mostly on time. She'd never really punished him for lateness. Either way, it was highly unusual for more than one student to be late to a test- and never these three together. And never in such dissarray.

Zell's hair stuck out in all directions, like he'd tried to spike it out in a punk hairdo. His cowlick remained intact- the earth could shatter, and it would stay perfectly in place, Quistis was sure.

Seifer had none of his usual charm and swagger, instead nearly tripping on the doorframe. His left eyelid was twitching.

Squall looked impassive as ever, but his jacket was only half on, and for one bizzare moment Quistis thought he'd grown his hair long- then she blinked, and was able to recognise the brown thing on his back was Irvine's hat, hanging neatly from Squall's neck by its leather cord. A small white feather was stuck in the brim.

Quistis had a horrible sinking feeling, like the ground was dropping away from under her as she watched the three mill about, then take their seats. Hyne, it would figure her three best choices for love interest were gay. Though how it explained Irvine's hat...

Quistis blushed and turned her head towards her desk.

_Name:_ Squall Leonheart

There, that was easy. Squall glanced at the next question.

_SEED Rank: _

Damn, trick question. He pursed his lips. He didn't think Commander was a rank. He skipped it, then moved on, writing 'Quistis Trepe' next to _'Instructor:_'.

_Question 1: What is another name for the negative Status Effect called Slow Death?_

He knew this one. He knew it! He just...couldn't think of the name, was all. Squall frowned. He couldn't give up on the first question. He skimmed through the rest of the test, looking for a pattern. And those who search, Find. Squall supressed a chuckle, feeling immensely pleased with himself. He muttered a quick mental apology to Siren for improper use of her abilities, then started filling in all the blanks.

_Answer_: For Whom the Bell Tolls

_Question 2: Name five positive Status Effects._

_Answer_: 1) Dude 2)Looks 3)Like 4)a 5)Lady

_Question 3_: ...

Zell wished the letters would quit moving- he was pretty sure they weren't supposed to do that. It was a paper test, after all. It wasn't an advertising billboard in Galbadia. Or Esthar. Or...or...

Zell stabbed his pen at the paper. The words, cowed by his wrath, stood still. But the pen- oh, traitorous creature!- had broken under the assault, and spitefully bled it's last unto Zell's hand. The words tittered and laughed at him, giggling and pointing at Zell's ink-blackened hand.

"Quiet, you!" Zell hissed, then stamped his hand down on the paper. The paper was now covered by a large hand print, like a mark of conquest. The words, awed, began building little temples of worship to their new master, temples that looked an awful lot like sentences.

Zell muffled his giggles behind his hands, leaving a second black mark on his face. It didn't match the tattoo.

_Section 3: True or False_

_Question 37: The mome raths outgrabe._

Seifer blinked. Things had taken a decidedly curious turn. He glanced down at the rest of the section. Yes, all nonsense.

_Answer_: True

_Question 38: The 15th Lindblum war started in 1600_

_Question 39: You can defeat Ragtimer_

_Question 40: Do you Yahoo?_

The hell?

9:00 am

The bell rang, and there was a class-wide scramble to write in answers, any answers, before Quistis collected the test forms. At last, she reached the back of the room, and the three twitchy teens handed over their papers. Then, defeated, they walked back to the Secret Area. Zell was the first to speak.

"Damn...that sucked." They decided to have some coffee, to feel better. A few minutes later, when the buzz had reasserted itself, Seifer turned to the others and, summoning an imaginary soapbox, began speaking.

"This is dumb. Yeah, the test sucked, and yeah, we probably didn't do quite so well as we'd hoped, but now what? We just gonna sit here an' mope! I say no!" At this, Seifer leapt up onto the ledge that separated the Training Center from the outside air. "We got a whole vacation ahead o' us! We can't let it go to waste!"

"Seifer, what else are we going to do? There's no way we'll get permission to leave the island, much less Garden, after they get the test scores processed." Squall shrugged. "But..." He stopped, then frowned.

"Can't read your mind, Squall."

Squall grimaced, then continued his thoughts aloud. "...we can't stay here. Cid'll be looking for his expresso machine as soon as he gets out of the Infirmary."

There. The horrible, horrible truth revealed. They couldn't leave, and they couldn't stay. Not legally, anyway.

Surprisingly, it was Zell's caffiene-soaked brain that managed to put two and two together and get five. "...then what are we waiting for? ROADTRIP!"

The test was over, but the adventure had just begun.


End file.
